I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
