Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
