So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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