she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
