I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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