i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
