I just cut my nipple shaving
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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