He is an equal opportunity slut.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
