I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
