he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
