Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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