I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
