Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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