they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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