Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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