i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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