I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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