it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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