My brain says no but my pants say off.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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