it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
