u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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