Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
