I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
