Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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