Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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