i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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