whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
