He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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