so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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