i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
