Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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