I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
