I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
