i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
