i would punch a child for taco bell
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
