He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
