so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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