Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize