So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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