Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
