If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
