ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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