i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
