i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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