Swine flu. Run for my life!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
