College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
