I heard we made out
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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