woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
