I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
