Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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