just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
third nipple confirmed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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