I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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