Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
