Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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