What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
