Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
