I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
