I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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