Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
