apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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