I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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