If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
