I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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