I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
