she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
