It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
