I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
