last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
