Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize