Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
